What are you begetting?

Does the clay say to him who forms it, 'What are you making?' or 'Your work has no handles'?

-Isaiah 45:9b

Who are we to say God has made us right or wrong. Isaiah says "Woe to him who strives with him who formed him!" Does it not seem silly for us to say to God, "What are you doing here?" or "I think you got it wrong". Does God not know what He is doing? Does a sculptor not know more than his clay?

Animate versus inanimate. God versus not God. Same thing in my book.

So you look at yourself and see mistakes. God's mistakes. God, um...listen...you forgot the handles...and easy mistake...anyone could have done it. NO! God does not make mistakes. God does not make you one way if He wants you to be another. He makes you exactly what you need to be to do what He has planned for you to do. What is God making? That's always fun to find out...

I used to think that I was purposed for something more than just teaching. I saw myself in ministry, teaching in front of a congregation. I struggled with the fact that certain things about me made this dream unrealistic. For one, I'm a woman, and argue as we could, I just don't like the idea of a woman teaching men. So I was like, okay maybe I'm supposed to be like a youth pastor or something. But once again I struggled with not being made for that. I thought, "Why would God make me a woman who is just a little bit shy if He wanted me to preach?" Then it dawns on me...What if I'm not meant to do any of that stuff? I could give a laundry list of things I thought God might have wanted me to do for the Kingdom. Missions. Preaching. Pastor's wifing. Leading. I've gone through my fair share of phases. Many times I have thought God had messed up royally with me. I wondered why He would make me this way. Even in college I watched myself not measure up. This time, I wanted to be a scholar. I thought there was a memo or something that everyone else in the world had received, but someone had just forgotten to CC me on it. Fair mistake. I thought God had just wired me too different and that I would never be a good teacher because I just didn't get it. But since teaching is me, I could not be more perfectly designed for it. Let's see if I can make a metaphor...

A mug and a cup are very similar in many ways. And unless you're using it for hot stuff, you really don't need the handle that comes with the mug. Yeah, it can make things easier, but if you're enjoying a nice glass of sweet tea, you might even prefer the cup to the mug. But, both will work just fine. I was the cup in a class full of mugs. I looked around and saw how I could never hold hot liquids and that was a huge glaring fault in my eyes. Little did I know how much better I could be at other things, like holding tea. All of my collegues will be fabulous teachers too, but I am different. Apples and oranges.

All of that too say that you can't compare yourself to others. Don't think God made a mistake because you don't have qualities you like in others. Sometimes, you better the way you are. Actually, you're always better the way God made you. If you were supposed to be different, He would have made you different. If you were supposed to be skinnier, He would have made you one of those girls. If you were supposed to be an athlete, I think He would have given you the talent. But since all you're supposed to be is what you are, He made You. Period.

37:4

Why are you looking at those other people? Can't you see their wickedness? Sure, they may have everything you wish you had, but do they have everything you already have? And don't compare yourself to other believers! Who are you to say that it isn't fair for them to have this or that? Are you God that you can so easily say what is fair and what is just? Are you the Almighty Creator of all that you know what people deserve and when and how they deserve it? When do you become so knowing?

Delight yourself in the Lord!! He will give you everything!

Find your joy and satisfaction in the Provider. Don't believe for even one second He doesn't know how your heart aches for things! Don't believe that He doesn't know your every need! And certainly don't think He, who gave you the ability to want, doesn't know your every desire!!

"But I want something good; how can He deny me?" Is that what you think? That He is keeping something good from you? That He would purposefully withhold something that would make you happier?

Have you not thought that, maybe, He has a plan? That maybe there's a reason He's delaying giving you what you want? Whether you want something good or not, have you ever thought that maybe He knows best?

After all, He made it...whatever it is this time...

So why do you compare yourself? Why do you want things you don't have? Why are you jealous when others get what they want, but you are still left waiting? Which is better that you might learn to wait? Is it not worth waiting for? Then is it even worth having?

You look like a hamster on a wheel: running and running after something you can never reach. Maybe, if you stopped running aimlessly, got off the wheel, and wait for the Master to give it to you. He's not unloving that He likes to watch you suffer. In fact, it's the opposite! He sees you wasting your life and your energy chasing something that He wants to give you...later. "If you could just learn to wait!"

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

On the go...

Chasing shadows

tends to leave you

looking down and

looking back

so that you miss everything

that is up ahead.

Saul

1 Samuel 15

When Saul gets rejected by God, it's pretty poignant. There are a lot of good little morsels that tell a lot about how we as humans can get. Saul takes matters into his own hands, thinking he knows what is best, maybe because he's loosely interpreting what God told him to do, I don't know, I wasn't there. Either way, Saul decides he's got a pretty good plan and goes through with it. He probably thought he was doing exactly what God wanted. He save the good stuff to offer to the Lord. Makes sense right? I guess that's the problem. God's will doesn't have to make sense. Anyway you slice it, Saul messed up and God regretted putting him on the thrown. Ouch.

Then he talks to Samuel. He says to Samuel "your God". This is where I start to see that Saul might be a little full of himself. While he may recognize that he needs God to make him great, I get the feeling that he thinks he's pretty darn great the way he is. He doesn't even say that God is his God. He tells Samuel to make offerings to Samuel's God. Maybe it's just my translation, but I wouldn't put it past this guy.

So Samuel has to tell Saul...look...what you're doing isn't what God likes. Does He enjoy simple sacrifices? No! Anybody can kill a cow and say it's in the name of the Lord. Does God care about worship? No! Anybody can sing songs that sing God's praises. What does God delight in? Obedience. Obeying the will of the Lord, especially when it doesn't make sense is a million times harder than offering a sacrifice or worship. You can tithe till the cows come home but if you aren't living in obedience, you're just like Saul.

And God rejected Saul.

Ouch.

God wants a man after His own heart - David. David messes up but he lives in obedience to God. He doesn't get big headed when things start to go his way. He doesn't forget who gives and takes and sustains. He knows and has his priorities in order. He doesn't worship God because he's supposed to but does it because he wants to.

Could I do that? Could you? Instead of thinking we can do it alone, can we obey God? Instead of singing songs, thinking that's enough, can we obey? Can we listen for the voice of the Lord and do exactly what it says?

Sounds difficult...but is there someone else who knows better? You may think you do (or at least your actions show that you think that)...I know I act that way...but I don't actually know anything...except that it's better to obey...

Follow

I will follow,

where ever you lead.

I've seen too much

to choose any other way.

I know the cost

of ignoring you path,

ignoring you call,

the still small voice crying

GO!

I will follow,

no matter what the cost.

Even if it cost my very life,

even if it cost all I hold dear,

what are they to me if

I don't have you?

I will follow,

despite every urge to ignore,

despite things pulling me away,

despite the things I want.

Some plans are bigger,

somethings matter more,

somethings are worth it,

and that's what I choose.

I will follow!

I will lose it all!

I take the cross you've given me

gladly, daily, with praise!

I will follow

anywhere you ask!

I've spent too much time running

to not follow now!

I will follow!

Lord, I praise you for the awesome work you began in the Dominican! I praise you for the chance to spend a week with teenagers and to have fun and to do your work! I praise you for the chance to watch them grow, to watch them step out and step up! I praise you that they still want to be my friend now that it's all said and done:)

I can't imagine doing anything else with my life now God. It seems like such a dream to be where I am doing what I'm doing. It seems like such a dream to be able to love my life so much.

I know trials will come. I know sorrow will come. I know I will hurt again. Life is full of that stuff. My hope is in the Lord. My joy comes only from Him. Whatever comes to me I know is smaller. My God is greater and stronger and He will rescue me!

He has done great things, my Father and my God! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!!

The Covenant Renewed

How many times did Israel break their covenant with God? How many times did He restore it? To Moses He said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." He said this after the whole golden calf thing. In spite of all the many bad and silly things God's people did throughout their history, God never forgot His promise: to make a great nation to save the world. Our sin, our stupidity cannot foil God's will. We may disappoint Him sometimes, but His people cannot throw off His plan. It's a miracle, and it's a gift.

I have tried to earn God's love from the beginning. Sometimes I still wonder if I'm supposed to. I don't think I'm better than other people because of the things I do. Actually it's the opposite. I feel like the scum of the earth and that God could never love me unless I somehow made up for the fact that I'm an awful person. What I fail to realize is I'm no more awful than anybody else. Oh and the bigger thing I fail to realize:

While we were still powerless, at just the right time, Christ died for the ungodly.

Not for the good people. Not for the awesome believers who seem to have it all together. For the weak, powerless, hopeless messes who have no other chance or hope besides Christ's love. From page 1 to page last, the Bible is filled with this one promise, this one truth. The God is in the business of saving sinners, not saving the righteous. No one is righteous by themselves. No one. I need to learn to stop trying to be something I'm not.

Where does that leave us then? Wallowing in sin. This is also a struggle. How do we accept that we can't earn God's love and still try to be better? I want to be better. I hate who I am sometimes. I know God has called me to be so much more. But I'm focusing on all the slip-ups and mistakes I make and not the grace God has given me. All I see is what is still wrong and not what is right.

I cannot fall from God's love. I cannot earn it either. I strive for something I will not achieve until the very end. The finish line may be close, it may be far. God has given me just enough energy to run the whole race. No more. No less. I press on. God is my reward. He is all I'm living for. I obey His words. I worship Him. I seek to be what He's made me to be. Someday, it will happen.

On that day, well...look out!

Great words? yeah right!

And they shall know that I am the LORD their God, who brought them out of the land of Egypt that I might dwell among them. I am the LORD their God.

I am not Jewish. I have no claim to that heritage due to my family. I have been given my share through the death and resurrection of Jesus. God delivered me out of slavery that I might know Him and He might dwell in me. He is my Lord. He is my God.

Why do I ignore Him?

I know the sound of His voice. I ignore it. I know where He is calling me, and sometimes, I just don't want to go.

My day consists of a checklist of "Christian" activities. Step 1: read my devotionals. Step 2: read the Bible. Step 3: write down some words and pretend to pray. Step 4: go about my life and think about God, sometimes. Step 5 (my favorite): sing really loudly and poorly to Christian songs in my car. Do any of these make me a follower of Christ? I think you know the answer...