back in business?

I think I finally have a device that will let me continue my initial plan...it really makes me realize how munching needed a computer. It's sad really... Anyway...so much. has happened lately...I'm being pulled in so many directions, it's hard to know where to go...I guess it's a good time to be starting the Bible over...the early patriarchs made a lot of faith-based decisions and that's what I need to make... Lord, I really need you!

Ay

I wanted to do this everyday and look what has happened. I was doing so well and then my computer crashes. I hate doing this on my phone so what do I do. Stop all together. I've read so many good Words over the past week or 2 (how long has it been?)

I've been reading Acts. I love that book because the Holy Spirit is literally dripping off of every word. It's awesome. The Disciples seem like losers in the Gospels compared to the amount of faith and power they have in Acts. The just get it.

Acts it also a very convicting book. You may think you have it all together, but when you read Acts you realize that you don't do near as much as you could. I feel like God has called me to so much more - or at least He must have because how can I be following Him completely when my life seems so average. I don't know what it means to follow Christ, but part of me is beginning to believe that it involves a whole lot more going than anybody admits. I've always believe that missions didn't need to all be overseas, but I am not convinced that everybody shouldn't be living "on mission". And I think telling people that they can be missionaries at the office cheapens what it means to be a missionary and makes us lazy.

Being a missionary means you will be getting in trouble for your faith. I don't think it's about being afraid of being fired or shy about starting conversations. I think Jesus has called us to put ourselves out there in every part of our lives and acknowledge that if we get reject, He is still taking care of us. The Gospels are full of promises like that. God wants us to be rejected for His name.

Basically, I've got it all wrong...

Last words

The last Fe words of John's Gospel are just so powerful. It's one of the many reasons it's my favorite Gospel.
There arenlt enough books or authors to write down ever miraculous thing Jesus did. God can't be contained by the Bible and shame on anyone who tries to keep Him there. God is great! Praise the Lord.

At the end of this tough day I want my last thought to be how great you are, Lord!

Hallelujah!!

Great commission

Go into all the world and proclaim the Gospel to all creation.
Mark 16

I like Mark's version of the great commission better...it gets the point across. It's more than just proclaiming the Gospel to people but its about God restoring all of creation to himself. Thats a huge deal. But that's His plan. It started at the Cross and continued with the empty tomb.

What saddens me is I read about the redirection this morning - my all time favorite par of Scripture - and I felt so little. Usually I'm swelling when I read those verses but this time ....is there so much on my plate? Lord I still praise you foe the resurrection and for the victory I share.

I know someone which needs it more. Please send it her way...

Upset in the routine

Or at least that's how I feel right now. Of all the things I did right today, I of course am fixated on all the things I did wrong. It was far too long of a list and I feel science. Why does it bother me so much? Why do I let things affect me so much? It can't be because I care that much...can it?

This has no relation to what I've read the last few days. That's all been about the Last Supper and Jesus' betrayal...

All that really sticks out to me is relating to the sorrow that Peter would have felt when h realized that he had indeed denied Jesus 3 times. Its easy to look back 2000 years later and say "If I had been there I would have stood up for Jesus!" But who of us can say that? How can we claim to know how we would react conditionally. The second you say would have you nullify your claim. If it ain't hard fast indictive verbs then your really just speculating.

I probably would have done just like Peter and wept bitterly until I saw my Lord again. And when I saw Him again I'd been on my face begging forgiveness. That's how I feel anyway...

Please restore me Lord! I feel empty!

Times

Sometimes it's really hard to keep going. I'm half convinced that I've been lying to myself and that the career that I've chosen couldn't be more wrong. But then I remember that God never would have let me get this job if He wasn't going to somehow glorify himself in it. I'm waiting for that point. I want to see God glorifying himself. I don't even want any of the splash-over glory. I'd be fine to never get anything. I just want to feel like I'm doing something right.

Of course none if could matter. The Lord could come tonight. I've been reading Jesus's words on the subject. About how we don't know in what hour the Son will come. Will it really matter how my job is if the world is over? Nope. Have I wished for the end of days before to avoid hard situations? Yep. Is that wierd? Maybe.

I pray that I am awake and moving. Let me not fall asleep or be so busy keeping up that I stop keeping on track.

Father, I really don't know what I'm doing anymore!! Please, throw me a bone!

Stay awake

By your endurance you will save your life.
Luke 21:19

What a neat verse! You know, one hing I've always known but have had a hard time applying is the news for endurance.

I do like to run. However I have no endurance. Rarely do I make it out onto the road. Like many things in my life, I choose to do work instead. Now as that gets too difficult, I find myself at the end of my endurance. Unable to muster the strength I need. I guess it's a good thing I know the Lord, huh? Right now it feels like I'm losing it but maybe I'm just beginning to find it. Maybe for once it is going to be real. Maybe I'll start liking who I see boot because of anything I've said or done but because I know God still loves me. I really do ache to know that somebody will know who I really am and love me anyway.

I often feel like there is little about me to love. I know there is nothing about me worthy of God's kingdom. So what's left?

I'm in the middle...well end...of a weekend of discipleship foe teenagers and the speaker made a good metaphor last night. Am I dating God or am I ready for a relationship? I'm ready for the relationship the problem is that I want to cheat. Somehow I don't think His love and acceptance is enough. I sit around at home thinking how if I had a boyfriend right now I'd have someone to support me in this time and maybe love me. I just want to feel valuable. Because I want to let a man decide if I'm valuable. Messed up!

I'm holding myself o so many standards but only one really matters. Am I running with endurance after God?

Ready....set....go!