Old habits

2 Kings 21

I think some habits are harder to kick. No matter how hard one may try to overcome the sins of a society, somehow or other society always pulls you back. No matter how much Hezekiah tried to do what was right in the eyes of the Lord, his son succeeded in doing everything that was evil and disgusting. It'd been a pattern with Israel and Judah for a long time - since Egypt (verse 15).

I feel like Israel is more than a man or a nation - I feel like it's a metaphor. Just like Israel, sometimes I get it. I serve and love God with all I have. In those moments, me and God couldn't be closer. But then, other things happen, people around me (like the other nations) begin to pull me away. Temptations and worries begin to cloud my thoughts and all of the sudden, I've erected alters in the House of the Lord, just like Manasseh. I tell people all the time to trust in the Lord because He's got a plan, and I wonder why they worry so much about things they can't change or control. I think to myself, "Boy, I must really have things figured out because I never get all crazy because of things I can't control!" Yeah, the problem with that is I'm obviously really good at lying to myself because I worry ALL THE TIME!!! I'm worried and anxious right now!

I just started my first teaching job yesterday, and this week is devoted to meetings and such. I'm anxious about it, I won't lie. At the same time, it fills me with so much joy because every second is like a confirmation of God's plan for me. However, the unknown kind of freaks me out. I don't know what to expect, and it makes me nervous. But can I control what will happen? No! Should I be worried? No!

There are other things, too. Things that come from the culture around me: dating, financial worries (a whole new and (not so) exciting adventure for me!), looks, etc. I don't want to care about these things. I don't date. I don't want to be obsessed with how I look. Affording a place to live and saving money is too stressful to even think about. Really, I just want to let it all go!!

So I will...

Here You go, Lord! All my worries, fears, and anxieties. I can't control any of it! I can't control my job, what happens today, how much money I (don't) make, where I can live, what happens to my car, who I marry, how slow my metabolism decides to be every day, how my hair turns out, or other people's actions. All I can control is me and how close I can come to You! I know that the more I trust in You, the more things just work out - not necessarily in the "good" way I was hoping for, but in the awesome way You had planned all along! That's what I put my trust in. No more alters to money, jobs, looks or boys. I put my trust in the Lord and the Lord alone!!!

The Lord is good!!