In the four hundred and eightieth year after the people of Isreal came out of the land of Egypt, in the fourth year of Solomon's reign over Israel, in the month of Ziv, which is the second month, he began to build the house of the Lord.
Verses like this just get me. Seeing the history and context in the Bible just makes it so real. Here are several documented historical events all coming together in the context of the Lord fulfilling promises.
Promise 1) I will deliver the people of Israel out of the land of Egypt.
Promise made. Promise kept.
Promise 2) I will build myself a house of worship.
Promise made. Promise kept.
Promise 3) I will provide David with a son to sit on his throne.
Promise made. Promise kept.
3 promises all in 1 verse. You can see the Lord working in every page of the Bible. It really is just dripping with His good works and fulfilled promises. There is no promise He makes that He will not keep. I know it's easy for people to look at the Bible and just see stories that probably are exaggerations of real events because most other history books are just that. However, when I look at it, since I know what God has done in my life, I see miracles in the lives of the forefathers and the disciples. I see God being faithful and steadfast to His people.
I really do love this book and there just aren't words to describe how much it means to me. You can't get that from other types of books. You can't make it up either.
Praise You Lord for Your Word which You've given to us. Use it to guide us and show us they ways we should go. Fill our hearts with its teachings and promise. Let Your Truth be ever on our lips.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
10 June 2012
09 June 2012
Discipline
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Since it is a well established fact that I am a somewhat silly and illogical person, I have no problem admitting that I often worry about being a parent. It seems like a lot of work. Don't get me wrong, the woman inside of me would never dream of not getting married and having kids, but I still worry. I think the year of teaching I just had is what makes me worried. How am I going to be a good parent? It seems like a lot of work.
I have to cut my parents some slack. Actually in terms of disciplining and child-rearing, they do a pretty good job. Of course I see flaws, but I figure I should wait until I have kids before I make any real judgments.
This is something I'll have to deal with when the time comes. It's not like I even have a husband or anything. I mean really...one thing at a time...
Lord, let this not be a source of worry or anxiety,except in anticipation of the wonderful blessing a family can be to a woman. I know I'm a complicated case, but please let this be a blessing I get to enjoy. And can I enjoy it sooner rather than later? Your will above all else be done!
Amen. Amen. Amen.
Since it is a well established fact that I am a somewhat silly and illogical person, I have no problem admitting that I often worry about being a parent. It seems like a lot of work. Don't get me wrong, the woman inside of me would never dream of not getting married and having kids, but I still worry. I think the year of teaching I just had is what makes me worried. How am I going to be a good parent? It seems like a lot of work.
I have to cut my parents some slack. Actually in terms of disciplining and child-rearing, they do a pretty good job. Of course I see flaws, but I figure I should wait until I have kids before I make any real judgments.
This is something I'll have to deal with when the time comes. It's not like I even have a husband or anything. I mean really...one thing at a time...
Lord, let this not be a source of worry or anxiety,except in anticipation of the wonderful blessing a family can be to a woman. I know I'm a complicated case, but please let this be a blessing I get to enjoy. And can I enjoy it sooner rather than later? Your will above all else be done!
Amen. Amen. Amen.
08 June 2012
¿Tienes planes?
Many are the plans in the mind of man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
I've found this verse before, and it was just a helpful and powerful then as I reckon it will ever be. I, like most people, like to plan. I can be laid-back in some areas, but I also have a very active imagination. I find it challenging to just sit back and wait for some things to happen. Some stuff is easy to wait for. It really wasn't that hard to wait for a job last summer. It wasn't a big deal to wait to find out which college I go in to.
Things that were difficult: waiting to hear if I got into Grad school because it meant a complete change of plans from what I had initially thought; waiting for May this year to come around and see what God would have me do next year; waiting to see what God would have me do next year...I have a lot of things to work out in my busy adult life (teehee). Waiting to see what kind of man God brings round to marry me. I have many plans in my head about how I think these things should work out. However, as the verse says, what I think really doesn't matter quite as much as what God is going to do.
And that's what I find reassuring. I'm always afraid that I will somehow mess up God's plan for my life. But I don't think I can. I think even my mistakes are somehow a part of the plan. Not so much that God wanted me to mess up, but more that He can make His will happen regardless of my mistakes. My choices affect how difficult it is to get to point B, but as long as I am His, I will get to point B.
That's reassuring.
I had a pretty serious debate about this the other day with some friends. Predestination, free will, losing your salvation. You know, everyday stuff (:P). It's questions we really can't answer, and that's fine by me. What counts is Scripture clearly teaches God has a plan for our lives that will most likely work out differently from how we think it should, but that it will always be better. Always.
Lord, help me to always trust and seek after Your purpose over my own. As I make some big decisions in the coming weeks, help me to seek Your will above my own plans and dreams. Let me not over-fantasize the options, but rather focus on the reality of the situation. Let me see clearly what is laid out before me and choose the path You would have me on.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
I've found this verse before, and it was just a helpful and powerful then as I reckon it will ever be. I, like most people, like to plan. I can be laid-back in some areas, but I also have a very active imagination. I find it challenging to just sit back and wait for some things to happen. Some stuff is easy to wait for. It really wasn't that hard to wait for a job last summer. It wasn't a big deal to wait to find out which college I go in to.
Things that were difficult: waiting to hear if I got into Grad school because it meant a complete change of plans from what I had initially thought; waiting for May this year to come around and see what God would have me do next year; waiting to see what God would have me do next year...I have a lot of things to work out in my busy adult life (teehee). Waiting to see what kind of man God brings round to marry me. I have many plans in my head about how I think these things should work out. However, as the verse says, what I think really doesn't matter quite as much as what God is going to do.
And that's what I find reassuring. I'm always afraid that I will somehow mess up God's plan for my life. But I don't think I can. I think even my mistakes are somehow a part of the plan. Not so much that God wanted me to mess up, but more that He can make His will happen regardless of my mistakes. My choices affect how difficult it is to get to point B, but as long as I am His, I will get to point B.
That's reassuring.
I had a pretty serious debate about this the other day with some friends. Predestination, free will, losing your salvation. You know, everyday stuff (:P). It's questions we really can't answer, and that's fine by me. What counts is Scripture clearly teaches God has a plan for our lives that will most likely work out differently from how we think it should, but that it will always be better. Always.
Lord, help me to always trust and seek after Your purpose over my own. As I make some big decisions in the coming weeks, help me to seek Your will above my own plans and dreams. Let me not over-fantasize the options, but rather focus on the reality of the situation. Let me see clearly what is laid out before me and choose the path You would have me on.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
07 June 2012
Foolin around
Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.
I know I like to talk a lot. It used to be so much worse. I would just babble all day long about nothing. I don't really even know what I thought I was accomplishing. But how many examples do I have of regretting what you've said. Too many. I have forgotten specific examples - time is a great healer and eraser, but I do remember that I talked way to much. I've gotten better at listening now. (Answered prayer)
What I think is funny is that even in secular TV or general non-Christian culture, there is an understanding that people who chatter aimlessly are foolish. The silent and reserved, even if seen as prideful or off-putting, are still deemed to be more intelligent then those who can't stop talking.
I think of the book Pride and Prejudice (oh yeah, it relates:]). Specifically there is this scene where Jane Bennett is sick, and Lizzie has come to the house where she is to see her. This house contains Mr. Bingley, Miss Bingley, and Mr. Darcy. Miss Bingley and Mr. Darcy are my focus here. Darcy has already begun to favor Lizzie Bennett and Caroline Bingley is jealous. So in order to keep attention on herself, she just keep saying the silliest things without end. It's actually quite funny to read. Darcy on the other hand, says very little in response to Caroline. In the end, Darcy seems thoughtful whereas Caroline seems silly.
No girl wants to seem silly.
This is why I have tried so hard to control my speech. Praise the Lord that I am improving. I still have a long way to go. I have a strong tendency to speak before thinking. Which is trouble no matter how you look at it.
Lord, I pray that You'd help me control my speech. Help me to say things that are wise and helpful to those around me. Let silly words and useless conversation be far from me. Let the words of my mouth be a blessing to others and bring honor to You. Let me never speak just to fill the silence, but let me always speak with intentions of building up and loving. I pray that You slow my thoughts that I might reflect before blurting things out. Give me the wisdom to improve in this area.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
I know I like to talk a lot. It used to be so much worse. I would just babble all day long about nothing. I don't really even know what I thought I was accomplishing. But how many examples do I have of regretting what you've said. Too many. I have forgotten specific examples - time is a great healer and eraser, but I do remember that I talked way to much. I've gotten better at listening now. (Answered prayer)
What I think is funny is that even in secular TV or general non-Christian culture, there is an understanding that people who chatter aimlessly are foolish. The silent and reserved, even if seen as prideful or off-putting, are still deemed to be more intelligent then those who can't stop talking.
I think of the book Pride and Prejudice (oh yeah, it relates:]). Specifically there is this scene where Jane Bennett is sick, and Lizzie has come to the house where she is to see her. This house contains Mr. Bingley, Miss Bingley, and Mr. Darcy. Miss Bingley and Mr. Darcy are my focus here. Darcy has already begun to favor Lizzie Bennett and Caroline Bingley is jealous. So in order to keep attention on herself, she just keep saying the silliest things without end. It's actually quite funny to read. Darcy on the other hand, says very little in response to Caroline. In the end, Darcy seems thoughtful whereas Caroline seems silly.
No girl wants to seem silly.
This is why I have tried so hard to control my speech. Praise the Lord that I am improving. I still have a long way to go. I have a strong tendency to speak before thinking. Which is trouble no matter how you look at it.
Lord, I pray that You'd help me control my speech. Help me to say things that are wise and helpful to those around me. Let silly words and useless conversation be far from me. Let the words of my mouth be a blessing to others and bring honor to You. Let me never speak just to fill the silence, but let me always speak with intentions of building up and loving. I pray that You slow my thoughts that I might reflect before blurting things out. Give me the wisdom to improve in this area.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
06 June 2012
The Poor Man
Whoever oppresses the poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors Him.
I don't think I've ever gone out and oppressed the poor or cheated them, etc. You probably haven't either. It's not something that normal people just do or even have the power to really do. I'm sure there's room for a political argument here, but I would feel that to be inappropriate and misjudged. One thing that has bothered me recently is my lack of willingness to go out and be with the poor. To help them where they are. To spend time with them in order to share the Gospel with them. I do get caught up in my own life - where I'm going, what I need to be doing, etc. I tend to forget that my life isn't all that important.
For example, I was in Washington DC last week on vacation. I was somewhat overwhelmed by the number of panhandlers there were on the streets. Now I've heard my fair share of stories about these people who make a pretty good living begging for money on the streets. It still bothers me though. I will never just leave money and walk away. That's not what Jesus would have done, so I see no reason to do something so ridiculous. Yet how can I as a young woman stop and talk to a somewhat shadey man on the side of the road. But how can I just do nothing? Evidently it's quite easy, because nothing is exactly what I did. I walked right past all of those people. What would they say about my God if they knew I was a Christian?
This is why it gets to me. As Christians, we aren't called to do much. But some of the big things are to spread the Good News and care for the widows, orphans, and the needy. Granted you can't always tell what someone is truly in need of, but you can't just assume they are lying.
So what am I supposed to do? I know places to go, things to do, people to work with in order to achieve this commission. But I'm busy. Oh I don't have time this week. No, I can't go alone. Excuses, Excuses. I want to care for these groups. Orphans especially. I need to stop making excuses and do something. No where in proverbs does it say "A righteous man sits around talking about what one ought to do, but never actually does it." No!! If anything it would say, "A righteous man knows when to act, but a fool makes excuses."
Is that in the Bible? huh...?
Lord, I pray You would take away my need and desire to make excuses. I pray that I would see a need and find a way to fill it. I pray that I would seek out opportunities to do good works instead of waiting for the opportunities to come to me. I pray that I would want to act and move and work. I pray I would have no fear, reasonable or otherwise. I pray You would leave me without excuse. Show me opportunities to share Your Word and feed Your lambs. Guide me in a righteous path.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
I don't think I've ever gone out and oppressed the poor or cheated them, etc. You probably haven't either. It's not something that normal people just do or even have the power to really do. I'm sure there's room for a political argument here, but I would feel that to be inappropriate and misjudged. One thing that has bothered me recently is my lack of willingness to go out and be with the poor. To help them where they are. To spend time with them in order to share the Gospel with them. I do get caught up in my own life - where I'm going, what I need to be doing, etc. I tend to forget that my life isn't all that important.
For example, I was in Washington DC last week on vacation. I was somewhat overwhelmed by the number of panhandlers there were on the streets. Now I've heard my fair share of stories about these people who make a pretty good living begging for money on the streets. It still bothers me though. I will never just leave money and walk away. That's not what Jesus would have done, so I see no reason to do something so ridiculous. Yet how can I as a young woman stop and talk to a somewhat shadey man on the side of the road. But how can I just do nothing? Evidently it's quite easy, because nothing is exactly what I did. I walked right past all of those people. What would they say about my God if they knew I was a Christian?
This is why it gets to me. As Christians, we aren't called to do much. But some of the big things are to spread the Good News and care for the widows, orphans, and the needy. Granted you can't always tell what someone is truly in need of, but you can't just assume they are lying.
So what am I supposed to do? I know places to go, things to do, people to work with in order to achieve this commission. But I'm busy. Oh I don't have time this week. No, I can't go alone. Excuses, Excuses. I want to care for these groups. Orphans especially. I need to stop making excuses and do something. No where in proverbs does it say "A righteous man sits around talking about what one ought to do, but never actually does it." No!! If anything it would say, "A righteous man knows when to act, but a fool makes excuses."
Is that in the Bible? huh...?
Lord, I pray You would take away my need and desire to make excuses. I pray that I would see a need and find a way to fill it. I pray that I would seek out opportunities to do good works instead of waiting for the opportunities to come to me. I pray that I would want to act and move and work. I pray I would have no fear, reasonable or otherwise. I pray You would leave me without excuse. Show me opportunities to share Your Word and feed Your lambs. Guide me in a righteous path.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
05 June 2012
Anxiety
Anxiety in a man's heart wears him down, but a good word makes him glad.
I long for these good words and seek them out. When I am most anxious, then I am most hungry for Your Word and Teachings. When I am uncertain or stressed, the only place I can find reprieve is in the Word. That is how I came upon the radio station I listen to. I was going through the worst of it, and I need more than just a superficial Christian radio station in the car. I needed something with meat and potatoes. I found this station that not only has scripture-based music by awesome artists, but it also has scripture read over the airways and teachings from well-known, godly people. It's such a blessing to listen to during my commute, and I'm so glad God reminded me of its existence.
This is what we have to do when anxiety comes around. I'm very familiar with anxiety. Short of actually have some sort of mental disorder, anxiety really plagues me. I worry about silly things too. It's not like I'm concerned about whether or not my friend will go to heaven if they die. No, that might be an acceptable form of anxiety. What I feel is anxiety over my future. Fear. I used to be afraid all the time. To the point I couldn't even sleep. Not afraid of real things, but whatever my mind could cook up. A robber outside my window. My life is somewhat void of real problems, but that doesn't mean the problems I have don't provide sufficient stress and anxiety. Praise the Lord I've been set free of the fear that I battled in middle school and high school. Praise the Lord He has offered me good words in the times of anxiety.
I worry about being good enough. I'm convinced that I am not alone among Christians. I'm referring to the so-called "life-long" Christians. None of us have been Christians all our lives, but it feels that way. We've grown up knowing that there is an impossible standard that we are supposed to reach. We spend the next 20 years or so on one of 2 paths: rebelling from that standard or feeling completely worthless because of it. We spend that time slowly learning that we really aren't supposed to ever get there. That God doesn't love us because of what we do. That God doesn't want us just when we make Him proud or when we live up to our potential. God wants us. period. All the time. If He expected us to be perfect He wouldn't have wasted His time sending His Son down to earth. If we were supposed to live up to the standard, then the old system would have worked out just fine. We could have all just gone to hell for our sins and that would have been that. But that's not what happened. God saw we would never live up, so He made a way for us to be with Him. We still have to be flawless to enter His presence, but when He looks at me now, He doesn't see my mistakes because they have been forgiven and promptly forgotten. What I've done doesn't matter near as much as what I will do. God doesn't care about where we are coming from near as much as where we are going. He wants us to change and to start obeying the Law of Righteousness which He has given us through His Spirit. It's not a list of do's and don'ts but rather a guide to the Kingdom. To where God is and what needs to be done.
I say all this as if I am some sort of expert. HA! Have I ever acted in a way that is worthy of the name Christian? See what I mean about not feeling good enough. I look at myself and see nothing but short-comings. Praise be to God who can look past them.
Lord, I pray that You would help me see past my short-comings and rely on You to fill in the gaps. Help me to be like Paul who rejoiced in his short-comings, weakenesses, and failures. I want to live a life devoted to You and free from anxieties, fears, and worries. Let the Truth that I know permeate into my thoughts and actions. Let Your Word be ever on my lips and ever in my heart. Teach me. Guide me in the way everlasting. Most of all, take away the lie that it matters that I am not good enough. Of course I'm not! But Praise be to You, Lord, that You are more than enough!!!
AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
I long for these good words and seek them out. When I am most anxious, then I am most hungry for Your Word and Teachings. When I am uncertain or stressed, the only place I can find reprieve is in the Word. That is how I came upon the radio station I listen to. I was going through the worst of it, and I need more than just a superficial Christian radio station in the car. I needed something with meat and potatoes. I found this station that not only has scripture-based music by awesome artists, but it also has scripture read over the airways and teachings from well-known, godly people. It's such a blessing to listen to during my commute, and I'm so glad God reminded me of its existence.
This is what we have to do when anxiety comes around. I'm very familiar with anxiety. Short of actually have some sort of mental disorder, anxiety really plagues me. I worry about silly things too. It's not like I'm concerned about whether or not my friend will go to heaven if they die. No, that might be an acceptable form of anxiety. What I feel is anxiety over my future. Fear. I used to be afraid all the time. To the point I couldn't even sleep. Not afraid of real things, but whatever my mind could cook up. A robber outside my window. My life is somewhat void of real problems, but that doesn't mean the problems I have don't provide sufficient stress and anxiety. Praise the Lord I've been set free of the fear that I battled in middle school and high school. Praise the Lord He has offered me good words in the times of anxiety.
I worry about being good enough. I'm convinced that I am not alone among Christians. I'm referring to the so-called "life-long" Christians. None of us have been Christians all our lives, but it feels that way. We've grown up knowing that there is an impossible standard that we are supposed to reach. We spend the next 20 years or so on one of 2 paths: rebelling from that standard or feeling completely worthless because of it. We spend that time slowly learning that we really aren't supposed to ever get there. That God doesn't love us because of what we do. That God doesn't want us just when we make Him proud or when we live up to our potential. God wants us. period. All the time. If He expected us to be perfect He wouldn't have wasted His time sending His Son down to earth. If we were supposed to live up to the standard, then the old system would have worked out just fine. We could have all just gone to hell for our sins and that would have been that. But that's not what happened. God saw we would never live up, so He made a way for us to be with Him. We still have to be flawless to enter His presence, but when He looks at me now, He doesn't see my mistakes because they have been forgiven and promptly forgotten. What I've done doesn't matter near as much as what I will do. God doesn't care about where we are coming from near as much as where we are going. He wants us to change and to start obeying the Law of Righteousness which He has given us through His Spirit. It's not a list of do's and don'ts but rather a guide to the Kingdom. To where God is and what needs to be done.
I say all this as if I am some sort of expert. HA! Have I ever acted in a way that is worthy of the name Christian? See what I mean about not feeling good enough. I look at myself and see nothing but short-comings. Praise be to God who can look past them.
Lord, I pray that You would help me see past my short-comings and rely on You to fill in the gaps. Help me to be like Paul who rejoiced in his short-comings, weakenesses, and failures. I want to live a life devoted to You and free from anxieties, fears, and worries. Let the Truth that I know permeate into my thoughts and actions. Let Your Word be ever on my lips and ever in my heart. Teach me. Guide me in the way everlasting. Most of all, take away the lie that it matters that I am not good enough. Of course I'm not! But Praise be to You, Lord, that You are more than enough!!!
AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
04 June 2012
The Fear of the Lord
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
How to accept wisdom has always been a burning question in my life. How on earth am I supposed to lay hold of something so elusive? I realize now that I am not entirely foolish because much like the first verse I quoted says, loving the Lord is where wisdom starts. But how does it continue? Where do I go next? To the Word of course. Eating it up like a box of Cheez-its. I try to do that. And I do feel wiser. But I still long for more. I guess I'm hoping for too much wisdom. I want to be wise enough to have no doubts what the best path is for me or anyone that I am advising. I don't think I'm supposed to be that wise. I think that's God's job.
This doesn't mean I should stop hunting for wisdom. I'm hungry for more of You, Lord. I feel like I so easily slip off into whatever-land and lose sight of what I ought to be doing. I just went through what was mostly likely the toughest year of my life. I have never felt so much - I don't even know how to describe the feeling. It was torture. But it's over. I am a seasoned 2nd year teacher who hopefully will get her act together.
Which brings me to a more pressing issue - did I make the right decision signing up for a second year? I have felt nothing but anxiety about this question since, oh I don't know, January. Was I supposed to? I have had moments where I have been absolutely positive that you want me back there, but then I have moments of complete, overwhelming anxiety. I was suspicious that I was never supposed to take this job to begin with. Now I'm suspicious that a second year is a bad idea too. This is when I long for more wisdom than I have. But I believe I can discern pretty well, and I'm pretty sure that anxiety is never from the Lord. Ever. Ergo these feelings are not from God. Even when we make the "wrong" choice, it's not like God's going to let us live with regret and anxiety as we suffer the consequences. That's not really His style. If we make the "wrong" choice, he's still working for our good. Somehow, even if it is painful, He'll get us back on track. And we'll be stronger for it. As long as we keep trusting. I trust that I made the decision he called me to make. If I'm wrong - too late now. If I'm right - maybe that will make this year better. Right or wrong - God will be with me every step.
This gives me the confidence and strength to look forward to August without longing for 2013. I do not want to spend another year wishing my days away becuase I just want it to end. No. That is no way to live. God has called me to a life of Joy and Fullness. Though I never stopped feeling His Joy, I don't want to feel so stressed and tortured. Mostly I need to get over this self-pity thing.
His Joy is so rich. I was never without a desire to walk around with a stupid grin on my face because whatever was going on was either ironic or funny or I just couldn't help remembering how much the Lord loves me. Yes there were moments were I was livid with anger, but God's Joy is what calmed me. I may lack many of the spiritual fruits, but I have never been without Joy. Praise be to God.
Oh Lord Father! I ask this day that You fill me with wisdom and insight to see where You are moving and follow without doubt. I pray that my desire would not be for men or food or recognition but only for You. I pray that I would be busy with Kingdom Busy. I pray that I would not limit myself to whatever profession I hold, but that I would define myself as a laborer in Your vineyard: Preparing the way of the Lord. Let me speak with Your words and move with Your heart. I pray that I might fade away as You shine through. Let me never be without fear of You. Let my hope always be firm in You. Let me not fail even when I cannot see. Let my desire be for Your Kingdom. Let me heart feel as Yours does. Let good enough never be enough. No longer I but Christ who lives in me.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
How to accept wisdom has always been a burning question in my life. How on earth am I supposed to lay hold of something so elusive? I realize now that I am not entirely foolish because much like the first verse I quoted says, loving the Lord is where wisdom starts. But how does it continue? Where do I go next? To the Word of course. Eating it up like a box of Cheez-its. I try to do that. And I do feel wiser. But I still long for more. I guess I'm hoping for too much wisdom. I want to be wise enough to have no doubts what the best path is for me or anyone that I am advising. I don't think I'm supposed to be that wise. I think that's God's job.
This doesn't mean I should stop hunting for wisdom. I'm hungry for more of You, Lord. I feel like I so easily slip off into whatever-land and lose sight of what I ought to be doing. I just went through what was mostly likely the toughest year of my life. I have never felt so much - I don't even know how to describe the feeling. It was torture. But it's over. I am a seasoned 2nd year teacher who hopefully will get her act together.
Which brings me to a more pressing issue - did I make the right decision signing up for a second year? I have felt nothing but anxiety about this question since, oh I don't know, January. Was I supposed to? I have had moments where I have been absolutely positive that you want me back there, but then I have moments of complete, overwhelming anxiety. I was suspicious that I was never supposed to take this job to begin with. Now I'm suspicious that a second year is a bad idea too. This is when I long for more wisdom than I have. But I believe I can discern pretty well, and I'm pretty sure that anxiety is never from the Lord. Ever. Ergo these feelings are not from God. Even when we make the "wrong" choice, it's not like God's going to let us live with regret and anxiety as we suffer the consequences. That's not really His style. If we make the "wrong" choice, he's still working for our good. Somehow, even if it is painful, He'll get us back on track. And we'll be stronger for it. As long as we keep trusting. I trust that I made the decision he called me to make. If I'm wrong - too late now. If I'm right - maybe that will make this year better. Right or wrong - God will be with me every step.
This gives me the confidence and strength to look forward to August without longing for 2013. I do not want to spend another year wishing my days away becuase I just want it to end. No. That is no way to live. God has called me to a life of Joy and Fullness. Though I never stopped feeling His Joy, I don't want to feel so stressed and tortured. Mostly I need to get over this self-pity thing.
His Joy is so rich. I was never without a desire to walk around with a stupid grin on my face because whatever was going on was either ironic or funny or I just couldn't help remembering how much the Lord loves me. Yes there were moments were I was livid with anger, but God's Joy is what calmed me. I may lack many of the spiritual fruits, but I have never been without Joy. Praise be to God.
Oh Lord Father! I ask this day that You fill me with wisdom and insight to see where You are moving and follow without doubt. I pray that my desire would not be for men or food or recognition but only for You. I pray that I would be busy with Kingdom Busy. I pray that I would not limit myself to whatever profession I hold, but that I would define myself as a laborer in Your vineyard: Preparing the way of the Lord. Let me speak with Your words and move with Your heart. I pray that I might fade away as You shine through. Let me never be without fear of You. Let my hope always be firm in You. Let me not fail even when I cannot see. Let my desire be for Your Kingdom. Let me heart feel as Yours does. Let good enough never be enough. No longer I but Christ who lives in me.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
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